A Planner-Bride's Guide to Planning Your Wedding During COVID-19

Hi there!

If you are a bride or groom planning during this COVID-19 madness, you are probably flooded with a million mixed emotions. Sad yet grateful. Angry yet happy. Guilty yet vulnerable. Fearful yet hopeful. Lonely yet supported. Not yourself yet your best self. Doubtful yet confident. Stressed yet relaxed. Disappointed yet excited. What an exhausting rollercoaster! Well I am here to walk with you and encourage you to embrace these emotions! My goal is to help brides and grooms currently planning their big day to still enjoy the planning process even with the uncertainty hanging over us all.

My name is Caroline Emmons and I am a professional wedding planner AND a bride. I own Mint to Be Weddings and am blessed to currently be working on 31 weddings, with 62 fabulous brides/grooms! On the other side of things, I am also blessed to be gearing up to marry the love of my life and to be planning my own wedding for June 13th [yes... a month and a half away!].

As if wedding planning isn't as stressful, emotional and crazy as it is... welcome to total insanity. But here we are! And I say "we" because you are not alone. As sad as it is, it is comforting to know that others are going through what you are going through. Well here I am right here with you along with so many others.

Are you stressing about possibly postponing? Me too.
Did you have to cancel your bachelorette party? Me too.
Is your dress stuck at the alterations shop and your fitting was postponed [and will probably get postponed again]? Me too.
Could you have ever in a million years thought THIS is what would have thrown a wrench into your wedding plans? Me neither!

My heart breaks for my wedding and for yours. In fact, my heart breaks for anyone and everyone right now, as COVID-19 has affected EVERYONE in one way or another and flipped their world upside down in different ways. It is important to remember and recognize that everyone is being affected.

Well, for all you brides and grooms, here is a planner-bride's guide to planning your wedding during COVID-19.

1. Embrace Your Feelings.
Let me just put this out there as a blanket statement... this sucks! All around sucks! It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. I know one thing I often struggle with is feeling guilt. Guilt for being sad about my wedding when there are people losing their jobs, losing family members, in the hospital sick, etc. Guilt that work is slow right now and I'm not up to my ears in emails, meetings and calls like usual. And guilt that sometimes I am relaxing instead of filling all hours of the day with chores, gardening, home projects, cooking, etc., while work is slow. It's okay [and human] to have those feelings ever so often but it is never okay to discredit your feelings. Embrace those feelings and work through them in whatever way you need... meditation, a self-written letter you throw away, prayer, yoga, working out, a good cry, a small gift purchase, at-home spa night, reaching out to a friend, etc.

2. Embrace Support. 
As much as it sucks and might be emotional to talk about it, you HAVE to talk about it. Talk to your fiancee about how you're feeling and the uncertainty and options. This experience will only bring you closer together and strengthen your relationship if you do so. Support them and let them support you! The worst thing you could do is turn a blind eye and pretend like nothing is going on.

Once you have embraced their support, reach out to family and friends! I am sure they are checking in on you anyways. It is okay to be vulnerable and honest with them. They want to be there for you and support you, so have those quality conversations with them when they ask. The worst thing you could do is brush it off and pretend like you are immune to negative emotions. You will end up putting yourself in a position to feel even more vulnerable and lonely. The more you truthfully talk about it, the less power you give to those negative emotions.

And lastly, embrace the support of your vendors! Although you are paying us for a service, we still want to be there to support you and we care about you. Hopefully, they are making an effort to check in on you if your big day is coming up within the next few months but don't be afraid to reach out to them. The last thing they want is for you to feel alone or unsure. If you are feeling uncertain, ask for their professional opinion, ask what their other clients are doing, and ask if your over-looking or not considering anything. I promise you they will be practical, logical, and realistic with you! Sometimes we all need that unbiased honesty.

3. Make A Plan B.
Okay, now that we have the support system to conquer COVID-19 wedding planning, plan ahead! Just like having weather backup plans, you need a COVID backup plan to be able to feel comfortable and enjoy planning. Much like rain/heat/storms, COVID is an uncontrollable and uncertain factor in your wedding day so it too needs careful thought and consideration BEFORE panic can set in. Honestly, the reason we create rain backup plans is for peace of mind. 80% of the time we don't end up using them, however, if they weren't discussed and in place, it would be a looming threat that stressed our brides out. It is comforting to know that you are ahead of the game and prepared for anything [even things out of our control]! As a general rule of thumb, I would recommend that brides/grooms take this at a two-month pace. Meaning, if your wedding date is two-months away [or once you reach the two-month out mark] start considering a Plan B. Given the rapid and continuous updates, if your wedding date is four months or further away, I personally would recommend planning as normal and pressing on until you hit that two-month mark and need to make those considerations.

Reach out to your venue first and ask the following questions...
1. Could they send any open dates in 2020 [or in 2021 if you push back a year]?
2. What are their postponement/rescheduling regulations? [Do they charge a fee? Does it have to be within a certain time frame?]
3. Would they be willing to hold/pencil you in for an alternative date?
4. If so, by what date would you need to make a decision? [a week? 10 days? First right of refusal?]

Worst case scenario, they say no. As my mother always says, "You already know the answer if you don't ask." Assuming they give you open dates and say they can hold your date, reach out to your other vendors, and ask the same questions but replace #1 with the venue's available dates. This gives you a backup plan and already puts you in a position to be ready SHOULD you have to postpone.

**DISCLAIMER**
Every vendor has every right to and reasoning for their own personal regulations and contract procedures. Not all vendors will have the same protocol. Some might charge a postponement fee,  while some might not. Some might require it to be within a calendar year of your date, while some might say it doesn't matter. Some might keep your deposit, while some might apply it towards your new date. Some might require it to be the exact same type of event (guest count/proposal), and some might not.  It is important to ask and understand these procedures going into it. Keep in mind that none of us vendors have ever been through something like this and we too are affected by it on a personal and business level. 

4. Set A Decision Deadline.
All things need a deadline, including decisions. For peace of mind, take into consideration what your vendor feedback is and how far out your wedding date is to set a "decision deadline." This is the date that you will make an "official call" no matter what. It might be a deadline your venue gave you or a deadline that your parents give you or one you set yourself. At MINIMUM, your deadline should be a little over a month before your big day, that way you still have time to get things in order/shifted, if need be. Now if you decide NOT to postpone and the law changes right before your big day, obviously that is different, and you will have to re-visit and adjust. If you set a deadline, be sure to keep those involved "in the know." Tell your immediate family, vendors, and wedding party your plan B and "call date" allowing them the ability to also best prepare.

5. Consider All Options. 
a) Go through with the wedding as planned.
b) Postpone the entire wedding to a later date.
c) Get married on your wedding date [in line with whatever the law/mandate is at that point] and postpone just the reception.
d) Swap to an intimate wedding [following your local and current mandate]
e) Completely cancel the wedding and do a private ceremony.

It is important to consider and talk through ALL options with your fiancee. This has been quite devastating and "earth-shaking" for some of our couples, and for other couples it has been sad but not as emotional and mentally impactful. Decide what option best fits both of your wants and needs. If you originally planned a large, all-out, full-blown wedding and are considering cancelling, I would encourage you to give special consideration to this decision. It is something that you originally wanted and could likely be something you want in the future once life is back to normal and emotions subside. I would hate for anyone to regret a decision based out of fear or current emotion, so it is important to think long and hard if you are considering that option. Will you regret it down the road? Because you deserve an amazing wedding.

6. Plan On & Don't Sell Your Wedding Short! 
Once you have talked through the big decisions and back up plans, keep planning! Although things are up in the air right now and businesses are shut down, there are still ways to plan and stay excited. You, your fiancee and your wedding day still deserve an amazing and wonderful planning experience. Don't let this get the best of you or discourage you! Try to stay positive and keep your big day a happy thought and moving progress.
-Plan out your plan B [decor, guest list, vendors, etc.]. You can never be too prepared.
-Research and book any remaining vendors. Most are still doing virtual meetings.
-Work on your music/DJ selections.
-Fine-tune your wedding ceremony/vows.
-If you are postponing your honeymoon, plan an one year anniversary trip instead. 
-Did you have to postpone your bachelorette/bachelor party? Plan a virtual one on Zoom! 
-Did your rehearsal dinner location temporarily close? Plan a backyard/at-home plan B with catered food! 
-Shop online for your wedding bands.
-Start a COVID-19 DIY wedding craft to incorporate on your big day. 
-Send out thank you cards for any bridal shower or wedding gifts you have received. 
-Online shop for wedding day gifts [fiancee, parents, wedding party].

7. Keep "In the Know".
Be sure to stay up to date on local and national regulations on COVID-19. With that being said, I am talking about official state/country resources [not FaceBook or random articles]. What is your state's current mandate? What is your county's current mandate? What is your state's current COVID-19 plan? What is your state/county's projected "peak" date? If a lot of guests are from out of town, what are their state/county mandates? What are the current travel regulations? All these factors come into play with your big day and your big decisions. Staying informed, rather than ignoring the information will ultimately set you up for success.

Well that is my long-winded guide to planning your wedding during COVID-19. I sincerely hope that this blog brings a sense of calm, comfort, inspiration, peace, and reassurance [or at least a smile] to brides/grooms planning. You are not alone, and you deserve to experience a wonderful wedding! I will leave you with this quote....

"Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life." 
-ROY T. BENNETT